Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Eating out can be a learning experience.

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organisation.

Last week, we took some friends to a new Indian restaurant, 'Sam Bukks's Place,' and noticed that the Indian waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the Indian staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the Indian waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the Indian waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then the Indian waiter lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

Thanks to young Patto for this timely reminder as to the potential multiple use of cutlery!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Communication is more than just words.

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews in Italy had to convert to Catholicism or leave. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a debate with a religious leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy .

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

"Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

"I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

"He bested me at every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.

"I haven't a clue" the rabbi said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

"Then he told me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

Thanks to young Greg Firth for reminding me of this classic.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Just say, hmmmm!

Top This One for A Speeding Ticket

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were
conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just
north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar.
One of the officers was using a hand held radar
device to check speeding vehicles approaching the
crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar
gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer
attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset
and then turned off. Just then a deafening roar over
the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked
on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in
a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain
fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete
the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical
computer in the Hornet had detected the presence
of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar
equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal
back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the
fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on
to your equipment location. Fortunately, the Marine
Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for
what it was, quickly responded to the missile system
alert status and was able to override the automated
defence system before the missile was launched to
destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when
cussing at them, since the video systems on these
jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer
holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check
his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose.
Also, the snap is broken on his holster.

Thank you for your concern.

Semper Fi

Thanks to young Rowland Croucher for this post.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Shake it off and step up.


A parable is told of a farmer who owned an old mule. The mule fell into the farmer's well. The farmer heard the mule 'braying' - or - whatever mules do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened...and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery.

Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back...a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back...HE SHOULD SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP! This he did, blow after blow.

"Shake it off and step up...shake it off and step up...shake it off and step up!" he repeated to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or distressing the situation seemed the old mule fought "panic" and just kept right on SHAKING IT OFF AND STEPPING UP!

You're right! It wasn't long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, STEPPED TRIUMPHANTLY OVER THE WALL OF THAT WELL! What seemed like it would bury him, actually blessed him...all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity.

THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity...THE ADVERSITIES THAT COME ALONG TO BURY US USUALLY HAVE WITHIN THEM THE POTENTIAL TO BENEFIT AND BLESS US! Remember that FORGIVENESS--FAITH--PRAYER-- PRAISE and HOPE...all are excellent ways to "SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP" out of the wells in which we find ourselves!

Thanks to young Ninure for this message.

Friday, October 29, 2010

This is interesting!!

The following was sent to me from a friend at Church. I am sending it out as I received it.

It's OK I have cut / paste this little gem, so there is no tracking mechanism possible…read on.


E-Mail Tracker Programs -- very interesting and a must read......

The man that sent this information is a computer tech. He spends a lot of time clearing the junk off computers for people and listens to complaints about speed. All forwards are not bad, just some. Be sure you read the very last paragraph
He wrote:
By now, I suspect everyone is familiar with and/or for determining whether information received via email is just that: true/false or fact/fiction. Both are excellent sites.
Advice from VERY IMPORTANT!!

1) Any time you see an email that says "forward this on to '10' (or however many) of your friends", "sign this petition", or "you'll get bad luck" or "you'll get good luck" or "you'll see something funny on your screen after you send it" or whatever --- it almost always has an email tracker program attached that tracks the cookies and emails of those folks you forward to. The host sender is getting a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of 'active' email addresses to use in SPAM emails or sell to other spammers. Even when you get emails that demand you send the email on if you're not ashamed of God/Jesus --- that is email tracking, and they are playing on our conscience. These people don't care how they get your email addresses - just as long as they get them. Also, emails that talk about a missing child or a child with an incurable disease "how would you feel if that was your child" --- email tracking. Ignore them and don't participate!

2) Almost all emails that ask you to add your name and forward on to others are similar to that mass letter years ago that asked people to send business cards to the little kid in Florida who wanted to break the Guinness Book of Records for the most cards. All it was, and all any of this type of email is, is a way to get names and 'cookie' tracking information for telemarketers and spammers -- to validate active email accounts for their own profitable purposes.

You can do your Friends and Family members a GREAT favor by sending this information to them. You will be providing a service to your friends. And you will be rewarded by not getting thousands of spam emails in the future!

Do yourself a favor and STOP adding your name(s) to those types of listing regardless how inviting they might sound! Or make you feel guilty if you don't! It's all about getting email addresses and nothing more.

You may think you are supporting a GREAT cause, but you are NOT!

Instead, you will be getting tons of junk mail later and very possibly a virus attached! Plus, we are helping the spammers get rich! Let's not make it easy for them!

ALSO: Email petitions are NOT acceptable to Congress of any other organization - i.e. social security, etc.. To be acceptable, petitions must have a "signed signature" and full address of the person signing the petition, so this is a waste of time and you are just helping the email trackers.

Tips for Handling Telemarketers

Three Little Words That Work!

(1)The three little words are: 'Hold On, Please...'
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's 'beep-beep-beep' tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting..

(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone
This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a 'real' sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the call, and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer!

(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get 'ads' enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these 'ads' with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those 'pre-approved' letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 44 cents postage, 'IF' and when they receive them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 50 cents before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.
One of Andy Rooney 's (60 minutes) ideas.

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 44 cents.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea!
If enough people follow these tips, it will work ---- I have been doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Who will be the first to take a swing?

A big thank you to young Patto for this one.

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.

The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."

Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.

She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes, answered the Instructor."

I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

....This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

If nothing else it makes a good story.

This is a true story and was the first place winner in a recent Criminal Lawyers Award listing:


Here is a heart-warming lawyer story. An American lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous, however; the judge stated that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires".

Now for the good part ... After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to two years in jail plus a $24,000.00 fine.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The wise old dog - A 'Pat your Pet Day' short story.


One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!

Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bulldust and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Through the artists eves

I am sending out this Blog in the hope that it may encourage you to follow the remainder of the year with an artist friend of ours young Ashleigh Manley who is undertaking the task of painting a picture every day.

The painting is then featured on the following web site along with a descriptive passage written by his beautiful wife young Kay.

From what I can understand, the paintings, all 365 of them, will go on display next year and that there is also the likelihood that a book will be produced as well documenting the year of paintings.

Have a top weekend everyone.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Beware - This scam is alive and well

Scamming alert!

The following was a message that I received from a friend of mine in Melbourne, Victoria Australia.

You may know that I am the world's greatest skeptic about online warnings, but today I have experienced something so believeable it almost sucked me in, so I thought I should pass it on just in case it happens to you (you may have already heard of it).

I was home from work today with my cold when I answered a phone call from a woman with a sub-continental accent on a scratchy line (warning bells!). She was calling from a company called Max Global IT, an official partner of Microsoft based in Clayton (Victoria). When I said I couldn't understand her, she put me onto a guy, who went through the spiel again and said they had recieved an alert through the Microsoft network that we had viruses in our computer (Has the computer been running slowly?; has there been a warning message pop up when you first boot up? etc. Yes to all, plus we had a warning we were about to max our downloads - most unusual for us - so it had some plausibility). I did a quick Google for "Max Global scam" and didn't find anything, so kept the guy on the line. He directed me to a Microsoft Partners page, where the company was listed and included a phone Melbourne phone number, then proceeded to take me into my computer to look at various things, including a list scattered with scary red "Error" dots with white crosses and yellow "Warning" badges that definitely looked like we had a problem, I thought.

Then the line dropped out and I thought that was it, so I called the number on the Max Global website and got a recorded message about being busy, "so call back later" (I'm back to scam mode). Then the guy called back and we talked about why I couldn't get through ("tech problems" that were behind him dropping out, he said), then he passed me over to a bloke with a slimy American-type accent ("a Manager") who said I had every right to be concerned etc but hoped that what they had shown me showed I needed to upgrade my security and that I should talk to one of his "sweeties" (scam mode back on) who would tell me how I could do that and "you have a nice day!"

Of course, his "sweetie" goes straight into what I needed to fix the problem and it would only cost whatever, so how would I like to pay for it? At which point I said, "thank you for alerting me to the problem, I'm going to hang up now" and did!

I was on the phone for more than half an hour. I then rang Microsoft and they quickly said "don't touch it", it is a scam, and pointed me to their news centre where I found the following media release - I experienced virtually every point made.

Sorry it is such a long explanation, but they were highly convincing (and while I usually don't suffer cold callers, I didn't want to dismiss them just because fitted the stereotype, with their Indian/subcontinental accents - hey, I know nothing about computers, so maybe it was real), so watch out and alert others.


Posted Under Security and Privacy
26 August, 2010 | Sydney, Australia
Microsoft today warned Australians to be wary of a phone scam that has left some victims hundreds of dollars out of pocket.

Scammers are using several well-known brands, including Microsoft, to fool people into believing that something is wrong with their computers. The scam typically unfolds in the following manner:

• A cold caller, claiming to be a representative of Microsoft, one of its brands or a third party contracted by Microsoft, tells the victim they are checking into a computer problem, infection or virus that has been detected by Microsoft.
• They tell the victim they can help and direct them to a website that then allows the scammers to take remote control of the computer.
• The cold caller will then spend some time on the computer trying to demonstrate where the ‘problems’ are and in the process convinces the victim to pay a fee for a service that will fix the computer.

“In reality, there is nothing wrong with their computer but the scammer has tricked the consumer into believing there is a problem and that paying the fee is the best way to get it fixed. Often they will also push the customer to buy a one year computer maintenance subscription. They are just trying to scam innocent Australians out of money,” said Stuart Strathdee, Microsoft Australia’s chief security advisor.

Strathdee also said that the callers presented themselves in a professional manner and sounded genuine.

“Don’t be fooled, Microsoft is not cold calling consumers in regards to malfunctioning PCs, viruses or any other matter,” he said.

“We strongly advise Australians to simply hang up if they receive a call of this nature and not to respond to any communications from these scammers.

“If you’re not sure, contact Microsoft on 13 20 58 or the Police,” he said.

For more information, Microsoft recommends the following resources:

Microsoft Online Safety site
Australian Government

Monday, September 27, 2010

The difference between cats and dogs.

Excerpt from a dog's diary.........

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

By contrast, an excerpt from a cat's diary reads...

Day 983 of my captivity....

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to maintain my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. And today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I'm capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. So I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. But I could still hear the noises and smell the food.

I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking! I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return!

He is obviously retarded.

The bird has to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.

And I'm certain that he reports my every move.

My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now, anyway.

One final comment. I have been assured by GTF that the above is exactly how it is between the two species.

Mess with seniors at your own peril!!!

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my penis', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '

'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't pee out of it,' he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're going to Lose!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Sentences that have a kick in the tail.

Paraprosdokian sentences. Some new, some old....

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a
sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning,creating a syllepsis...

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies ... Not good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they train people to throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
I scream the same whether I'm about to be eaten by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Thanks to young Kellie for the above.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!!

In life things are not always that simple.

The following are a few scenarios that illustrate the point.

Good, Bad and Ugly

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.

2. Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She is a Lawyer.

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!

Thanks once again to young Dee for this.

What makes up 100%

Thanks to young Dee for this piece of practical maths.

What makes 100%?

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:-

What makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about these people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to these meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these question.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.



8+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%



1+20+20++9+20+21+4+5 = 100%



2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =103%

AND, Look how far ass kissing will take you.


1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 =118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that whilst hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

This has to do with the FB Group site 'My Important Stuff'

I am sending this out to you as a 'wider' audience as you may like to join the site as a friend.

This message is for actioning by the Administrators (Co Founders) of the FB Group Site ' My Important Stuff'.

An early warning. Please be aware that I can ramble. Short sharp sentences are not natural to me. You have been advised!

I am sending this message out to all of you who are the friends of the site as you are considered from now on as being 'observers'. Your job should you so choose is to follow the development of a new www site as it comes together through the collaboration of a team of teens and young twenties. You are encouraged to post comments and to also make comment on any Discussion Page item as you so feel led. You may be surprised to find that the Co Founders take on board your comment, or a variation of it and apply it to the site. Then you have the satisfaction of knowing that you contributed to the development of the site. That to me is fantastic.

Now to get started.

I would like you to action the following over the next week. The items are not in order, however the sooner you start the better, bearing in mind that I want you to be comfortable with everything that is being asked of you. If you do have any concerns, then I can be contacted by email or on 0427 523 119.

1. We have three cell groups involved in the planning. For sake of accountability, I am deeming the first named person as the cell head.

A. Tammy Rossouw, with the remainder of the group comprising Dine Bredenkamp and yet to be named third member and or fourth member

B. Danny Brown, with the remainder of the group comprising Emma Cuerden and yet to be named third member and or fourth member

C. Stephanie Cook, and yet to be named other members of her group.

Just a hint. You may find that the missing member of your group could already be an observer, and should that be the case, please let me know and hopefully we can then bring them across to be a Co Founder should they take up your offer of being involved in a more serious way with the site. Likewise, if you happen to be an observer, and would like to join in one of the above groups then please contact the first named person of the cell to discuss the idea more fully.

The other Co founders are:

D. Sisters, Emily and Claire Williamson who I have gotten to know over the past 12 months on FB. They are both creative in their own ways, and I believe that they can contribute well to the site. I have asked both of the girls to each invite another friend to join them and I am still waiting to hear about their nominated choices.

E. Joshua Hinds. Young Josh will be contributing with the wording side of the site as well as bringing in ideas as to layout , etc.

F. Then there is myself and my wife Vivien along with Graeme Freeloader, a very self opinionated cat whom we will all come to 'tolerate' over time.

2. Go to the FB Group site 'My Important Stuff' (MIS) and click on the Discussions - Co Founder Profiles.

I would like you to add your own profile in the reply box and then hit Post reply and that will add your profile to the site and allow the rest of us to know more about who you are.

As an example, this is the one that I have put on the page:

Graeme Brattle aged 62 years

28 years in the banking industry with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia.
10 years in the mortgage loan industry with Access Home Loans and the Victorian Police Credit Co-op.
Two years with the Commonwealth Government Child Support Agency.

Currently enjoying being involved with the GCCF (Gold Coast Christian Family Church)
Residing at Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast, Queensland Australia.

We will play around and refine the profiles before the www page is up and running, and at that time we will also ask you to provide a picture to go with each of your profiles.

3. Then look at the other Discussion questions and see if there is anything that you would like to add. Already young Dine has made a good comment in relation to the question relating to 'What should the site contain by way of content' her comment was '.... are you only wanting it to be a website where young people can store their important stuff or were you looking into including a social networking/blogging side to it'? My response was the site will try and provide whatever you as the Co Founders would like it to. Provided of course that it is within some $ cost limits, which we would need to discuss with the web designer.

What about ideas for a logo for the site? Feel free to add any comment as it will go into the melting pot and be open for blending in with other ideas.

4. To get an overview of the site that we already have up and running for the over 45's or so and to familiarise yourselves with the content I would like each of you to do the following:

A. Log into the site

B. Scroll down the left hand side of the Home page and click on the 'Special Offers' link

C. Join the site by clicking on the 'click here and complete the online form'

D. Once you are a member then I would like you to add something that is important to you that you may have kept over the years. The item may be where you keep your favourite teddy, or favourite book or even your favourite sporting item. For example, if you scroll up the Home page to the 'Search for a Document' screen and do a search on our friend Graeme Freeloader DOB 18/09/1947 then you will be able to see where he keeps his collection of furballs.

Well, that is it for now. I hope that you find the items easy enough to follow. Remember, should you have any concerns or questions I can be contacted by email or on mobile 0427 523 119.


Graeme Brattle

Friday, August 13, 2010

The following came from Tracey. E. Mitchell and I am sending it out as I would like the Co Founders of the new www site that we are creating to be able to think 'out of the box' so to speak. To look at the development of the site, please go to the FB group site 'My Important Stuff' and have a look at the 7 Discussion Questions. Do feel at liberty to add any comment you may think is appropriate as the Co Founders will then take it into account as they look for ideas and answers.

Subject: Thinking "Out Of The Box" - Quote of the Day
(Quote of the Day is a Story today! Enjoy!)

Thinking "Out Of The Box"

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant's debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.

The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble, she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble-strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.

Read on...

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way.

To Your Prosperity!
Tracey E Mitchell;

P.S. - Think out of the box with your business! Go to -;

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

These are like the 'Scrabble' girls'- Too smart for me!

Someone out there must be
"deadly" at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

Once again, thanks to young Kellie for this. Now back to my 6 score words!!

Just for fun!

The old ones are still the best

1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's crosseyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it...'

16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!

21. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Thanks to young Kellie for forwarding this to me.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Stay Premium Gentlemen - A BIG THANK YOU!

The ladies of GCCF had their annual 'Beyond Diamonds' Conference last weekend. From all accounts it was a great success.

The following is a 'thank you' note that I sent out to all the guys that took part.


On behalf of all the men of the Fellowship I would like to thank each one of you for your willingness to be involved in the ladies 'Beyond Diamond' Conference as either a Back Office Kitchen Hand or a member of the elite Front Office 'Bow Tie' Brigade.

There were those of you who were able to assist on the Friday night, whilst others were able to help out on the Saturday. Then there were those who could not resist going for gold by helping out on both days. To each and every one of you I can honestly say that your participation was greatly appreciated by all who attended the Conference, right through from the speaker to the chef, and from Kay to my wife. You should give yourself a pat on the back and a 'thumbs in the air well done' greeting when next you catch up with one another as a top job was done by all.

I also wish to thank those who offered to assist but due to sudden change in circumstances had to withdraw their services. Then there were those who in spite of carrying an injury were present in the numbers (you know who you are), and then there was Paul W who was with us in spirit, but physically elsewhere as he had the task of looking after the speakers family.

I must also make special comment about the willingness of you all to do whatever was asked of you, even if it was not on your 'duties' list. That willingness went a long way to ensuing that we were able to have a smooth sail through the Conference.

I must however admit that I was envious of the opportunity that the Saturday kitchen hands had of picking up some cooking points from our great Master Chef Rebecca. Is that not right, young Josh? And talking about 'young' it was great that a number of the younger men were able to join in with some of the older hands for the event. (Evidence of their attendance has already been placed on FaceBook somewhere.)

I also wish to thank all the band members for providing such great background music to assist us as we went about our tasks. You sounded great, even with the doors shut!

Then finally, but not in the least I wish to thank the Ladies Committee for making our jobs so much easier by having everything so well set out for us. The personal involvement Yolanda, Glenda and Rosemary, with the ever present shadow of Kay was great in keeping us 'alive' as we went about our allotted tasks.

But like the sales pitch on the TV, there is more. That more was the recognition that was expressed by Kay on behalf of the ladies at both the closing of the Conference and at the 9:30 service yesterday morning, of the great job that we men have provided over the years in assisting the ladies to have such a great time together.

I can only back up Kay's comments by saying as I did at the start of this note, thank you again for your part in making the weekend so great for the ladies.


Graeme Brattle

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Wealth Propulsion Intensive Seminar - Reflections

Over the last weekend from Friday night at 6:00pm until Sunday night at 10:00pm I along with a few hundred others spent time in Brisbane with Christopher Howard and his Team. The seminar topics addressed a range of aspects of our life conditioning that were hindering our ability to be the person that we were meant to be. In backing this up, we also worked our way through a number of exercises that were geared to assist us to leave behind our baggage, which for some of us we had carried with us for more years than we would wish to acknowledge, without necessarily recognising that it was indeed baggage.

Topics covered were from a number of the courses on offer, thereby giving us a small window in which to look at the benefit of taking each of those courses in full.

The weekend was highly charged with both enthusiasm and noise. Mind you there were also the quieter times as we wrote down responses to various items of material which were then usually shared or role played with others in groups of 3 or 4, throughout the day.

After the breaks, often a game of 'Fact or Crap' was played, and those chosen at random to play were given the opportunity to win valuable prizes. There were also several 'give away' promotional spots, where again the items handed out were of significant value.

As both Chris and Johnny, the two presenters wanted to ensure that we in no way were short changed, the finishing times went out the door so to speak. With this in mind I for one would encourage all those thinking of attending to have a bottle of water and perhaps some light refreshments with them, to ensure that they were able to be sustained physically, as in a good way mentally and emotionally you were constantly being stretched.

All in all, especially for one who was able to attend free, through logging onto the website listed below I found that the time spent was very educational and life enriching.

If I was wearing a hat I would raise it to Chris and the Team for a fantastic weekend.

Monday, July 5, 2010

The One Thousand Legged Worm Song! -( Author to remain unknown)

The ‘One Thousand Legged Worm ‘ song.

Said a Thousand Legged Worm,
As he gave a little squirm,
Have you seen a leg of mine?
If it can’t be found ,
I will have to hop around,
On my Nine Hundred and Ninety Nine.
Hop around…hop around,
Hop around…hop around,
Have you seen a leg of mine?
If it can’t be found ,
I will have to hop around ,
On my Nine Hundred and Ninety,
Nine Hundred and Ninety,
Nine Hundred and Ninety Nine!!!

As soon as we come to the ‘Hop around’ part, that is when we all start
to hop around in a big ‘Worm Line’ as all our feet make up the 999!!

This is aimed at the Australian voters

This one is a little different....Two Different Versions....Two Different Morals

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

Channels 7, 9 and 10,the ABC and SBS show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

Australia is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Cardinal George Pell then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Prime Minister Gillard condemns the ant and blames John Howard, Robert Menzies, Capt James Cook, and the Pope for the grasshopper's plight.

Bob Brown exclaims in an interview on Today Tonight that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, Labor in conjunction with the Greens draft the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and once peaceful, neighborhood.

Tony Abbot then wins the 2010 election removes taxes on big business and mining increases taxes on small business the ants and grasshoppers to make up the shortfall hires the spiders to control any dissenters.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.

A lesson from an older generation!

Learn from your elders

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Thank you to the person who sent me this. I forgot to remember your name in all of the excitement!

Monday, June 28, 2010

'The man who thinks he can...'

This was a post from young Tracey:

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are;
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.

ATTRIBUTION: WALTER D. WINTLE, “The Man Who Thinks He Can.”—Poems That Live Forever, comp. Hazel Felleman, p. 310 (1965).

To Your Prosperity!
Tracey E Mitchell

Monday, June 21, 2010

Cocoa Mulch - A warning to all pet owners!!


I am sending this out as a Blog in the belief that what is recorded in the article is true.

Please tell every dog or cat owner you know. Even if you don't have a pet, please pass this to those who do.

Over the weekend, the doting owner of two young lab mixes purchased Cocoa Mulch from Target to use in their garden. The dogs loved the way it smelled and it was advertised to keep cats away from their garden. Their dog (Calypso) decided the mulch smelled good enough to eat and devoured a large helping. She vomited a few times which was typical when she eats something new but wasn't acting lethargic in any way. The next day, Mum woke up and took Calypso out for her morning walk. Halfway through the walk, she had a seizure and died instantly.

Although the mulch had NO warnings printed on the label, upon further investigation on the company's web site,

This product is HIGHLY TOXIC to dogs and cats.

Cocoa Mulch is manufactured by Hershey's, and they claim that "It is true that studies have shown that 50% of the dogs that eat Cocoa Mulch can suffer physical harm to a variety of degrees (depending on each individual dog). However, 98% of all dogs won't eat it." site gives the following information:

Cocoa Mulch contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine'. It is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff and die. Several deaths already occurred in the last 2-3 weeks.

Theobromine is in all chocolate, especially dark or baker's chocolate which is toxic to dogs. Cocoa bean shells contain potentially toxic quantities of theobromine, a xanthine compound similar in effects to caffeine and theophylline. A dog that ingested a lethal quantity of garden mulch made from cocoa bean shells developed severe convulsions and died 17 hours later. Analysis of the stomach contents and the ingested cacao bean shells revealed the presence of lethal amounts of theobromine.


All about men.

The following was a recent post made by a FB friend

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think 'it will get better'
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women..
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up..

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships. ..
There is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. ..
Look for someone complimentary. Not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house.. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phill

You should know that:
You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices.
Make the right one.

Ladies take care of your own hearts....

As an aside, I can also recommend the book 'Act like a Lady, Think like a Man' by Steve Harvey.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Universal Laws


1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter-end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Many thanks to young Kellie for sending this to me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A New Client Letter especially for Vet Clinics

New Client Letter for Vet Clinics

This was taken from the site and I think that the person to thank for it is young Tiffany.

I thought that it was great and that you might enjoy it as well.

Welcome to our practice. The following are some suggestions of
how to make things easier for you and more interesting for our

As you have already figured out, your scheduled appointment time
is just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore it and do as you
please. If you are not going to show up, please do not call. We like the
suspense of trying to figure out what you are going to do. Some
times we run bets on it. So as you can see, calling and informing
us of your intentions would just take the fun out of our day. Our
other clients are all rich and don't mind having to pay extra to
go to the emergency vet because we didn't know your appointment
time slot would be available.

Verbal abuse is always appreciated. If possible, wait until the
waiting room is full. Please be creative in your profanity, we
all like to expand our vocabulary as do our client and their

Do not put your dog on a leash or your cat in a carrier. Just let
them loose as soon as you walk in. The staff enjoy a little
pandemonium and breaking up animal fights. If you do actually use
a leash for your dog, make sure it's at least 20 feet long or
longer. We enjoy being tripped by leashes, and getting your dog
out of our lab, it keeps us on our toes. Or better yet, just let
the leash loose on the floor so the dog can roam anywhere it
wants while the leash drags behind.

Bring as many small children as possible. Three or more are
preferred. If you don't have that many, borrow from your
neighbors (look for the poorly behaved ones). Make sure they all
have juice and crayons because we all love to clean. Also, we
encourage then to jump on the furniture, play roughly with the
hospital cat, and go through the drawers. Bringing several very
very young children is encouraged when we have the dreaded duty
of euthanasia, we enjoy the heartwrenching sound of crying
children that are too young to understand what is happening.

Making an appointment time when your child is too sick to go to
school with some Ebola like disease is a great way to use your
free time. We love getting your kid's diseases it reminds us of
our childhoods. Making an appointment time when you are too sick
to go to work also pleases us as well. We often enjoy being short
staffed and having the flu bug now and again to remind us to
update our own flu vaccines.

Do not bring any prior records as we request. Calling other
clinics gives us time to catch up with old friends. Our other
clients don't mind waiting 20 minutes past their appointment
times while records are faxed, they don't have anywhere else to
be anyways.

We're just kidding when we suggest that you bring stool or urine
samples in. That's gross. We'll just get it off our waiting room
floor when your unattended dog relieves him/herself everywhere.
Please feel free to stay on your cell phone as long as you like
we have all day to wait for you. Handless headsets are preferred
because it really makes it a challenge to figure out if you are
talking to us or the person on the phone. Make sure to call us
back later that day and ask us questions about all the things we
were trying to explain earlier.

When giving information about your pet, please be a vague as
possible. The doctor is psychic anyways and can communicate with
your pet so it's just a formality anyways. Please send your
teenager or neighbor in with your very sick pet with no
information as to what exactly is wrong with the pet and cannot
answer any specific questions. We like trying to guess what is
wrong and how to treat it.

Be sure to bring along your spouse who will give us an entirely
different history than you do. If this is not possible, you can
insist that we call him/her at work to get the history. Then
after we are finished, we can call him/her back again to repeat
the exact same instructions we just gave you.

If you are coming in for a second opinion, be sure to bring along
no less than 50 pages of information that you have downloaded
from the internet. This is far more important than any previous
records, lab results, radiographs, etc. The doctor will be more
than happy to sift through all this information and discuss it
with you at length. The clients in the waiting room understand
this and don't mind being 40 minutes late because your
appointment time was only scheduled for 10 minutes. We understand
that it's our fault when you have to pay twice to do lab work,
radiographs that you had done at the other vet because we didn't
have the records.

Be sure to insist we follow your breeder's recommendations,
especially about anesthesia and vaccines. Our years of schooling
and training really don't teach us anything so we appreciate the
guidance. If the breeder doesn't know, don't forget to ask your
groomer, otherwise just ask your neighbor for the advice you

Give medications as you see fit. We just put instruction labels
on because we think the label printer is really cool. We
understand that when the condition doesn't improve because of
this, it's our fault not yours.

Always complain about the bill. We know our prices are too high.
In general we tend to be greedy and don't really care about your
pet in the least, we really just want that Beverly Hills mansion

Don't tell us that all the other vets had to muzzle your dog
until after he/she tries to bite. It keeps our reflexes sharp.
Besides it's more of a challenge to attempt to muzzle a dog once
he/she is all worked up.

If your cat is hissing and upset, please put your hands and face
as close to his/her mouth as possible. He/she would never bite
you. If a bite did occur we realize it's all our fault anyways.

Ignore the employee only signs. Just wander around as you please,
stick your hand in all the cages, open all the drawers and
cupboards. If your child is wandering around, we prefer him/her
to be barefoot.

If your pet is sick please wait a minimum of three days before
having him/her seen. A week is preferred. Be sure to exhaust all
treatments available over the counter or at the pet store before
bringing him/her in to be examined. Also the best time to call is
on Friday afternoon especially the longer the problem has went

Be sure to call 5 minutes before closing and tell us that it is
an emergency after waiting a week. Then please complain when you
are charged and emergency fee for coming in after hours. Our
staff actually doesn't like their family that much and isn't in a
rush to be with them.

Feel free to express your ideas about what is wrong with other
clients pet's at the checkout counter. Feel free to tell them
that whatever we have recommended is unnecessary and too
expensive and can be easily fixed with a vitamin.

Please do not bring more than $20 with you and no credit cards or
checkbooks. Our office manager previously worked in a pawn shop
so she will be happy to appraise any piece of jewelry or
household item. Payment plans are available, no interest for 6
months and we can send the bill to your ex-spouse for your

Please expect us to subsidize your pet's health care cost. You
know we all became vets or work at the vet hospital because we
love animals and want to help them. Since we are already doing
what we love we don't expect to be paid for it. Our creditors
will completely understand that because of this we can't pay our
bills and we really don't like electricity, heat, food, or
vehicles so living without them is a relief.

When you buy two female dogs from your breeder, expect and DEMAND
a discount on their spays, because you deserve it for having two
dogs. The same applies to cats as well. Remember that, if you adopt male and female puppies from the same litter, you won't need to spay and neuter because brothers and sisters do not mate, that's gross.

If you are running late and have other errands to take care of,
please drop off your pet at the front desk. Do not give us any
more information that "needs some shots" or "isn't doing right".
We'll have your prescription and pet ready for you to pick up
within the hour, or next Tuesday.

We look forward to caring for your pet. If you, your neighbor,
breeder, or groomer, have any suggestions about what we can do to
make life easier for you and more difficult for our staff, please
do not hesitate to let us know.

Thank you,
Your Veterinary Hospital
~*~ tiffany ~*~

Monday, June 14, 2010

Just a thought!

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our mobile phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

What if we turned back to go, get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go....hmm... where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing;

Unlike our mobile phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being
Disconnected because Jesus has already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities'? ... And no dropped calls either!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

27 Things that movies have taught us......

A big thanks to young Ninure for this list.

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

2) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8) Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

11) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

12) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

13) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

14) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

16) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

17) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

18) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

19) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.

20) Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

21) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

22) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

23) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

24) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

25) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

26) When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

27) Every piece of clothing loaned by one character to another will fit perfectly.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Thoughts about Facebook

This article was written by John Sweetman, the principal of Malyon, the Baptist Bible College in Queensland, I think it gives some insight into the world of Facebook.

Some Thoughts about Facebook John Sweetman The first three sections of these reflections are partly based on information from Jesse Rice’s book , The Church of Facebook: How the Hyperconnected are Redefining Community (David C. Cook, 2009). This book is well worth a read. I have drawn from Rice’s reflections, but have reorganised them and added ideas and conclusions of my own. I have also consulted users of Facebook to glean their ideas and opinions. 1. The attraction of Facebook Scientific investigation has shown that authentic emotional connection is important for healthy personal development. Connection makes us happy and secure, and disconnection makes us unhappy and unstable. Our search for connection and community (or “home”) is inherent in our nature. We live in a world where connection is becoming more difficult through our busyness, our social dislocation, and our pace of life mainly driven by developing technology. It’s hard to find space where we can easily connect and build community. Then along come mobile phones, social networking and, in particular, Facebook. Suddenly, connection is relatively simple and efficient. We can easily and quickly connect with others. The possibility of community has suddenly expanded exponentially. Facebook is impacting the world. In 2009, five million people signed up to Facebook every week. In March 2009, Facebookers were using the site for up to three billion minutes a day. In March 2010, Facebook passed Google as the most visited site on the web. Facebooking is not limited to younger people. In 2008, the fastest-growing population on Facebook was 55 year old women. One attraction of Facebook is the human need for community - a sense of place and belonging, what we see as “home.” Rice (2009, 76-84) suggests that there are four homelike qualities that Facebook effectively facilitates. 1. Home is where we keep all the stuff that matters to us. On Facebook we can store our pictures, declare our values and beliefs, and share the things that are close to our hearts. Our “wall” is our place. 2. Home is wherever we find family. Facebook facilitates quick and easy homelike moments with family and friends from anywhere in the world. It’s like we can gather all the people closest to us together and have access to them all the time. 3. Home is where we feel safe because we can control the environment. Facebook has provided users with a significant amount of control over their digital world. We can write status updates or speak through private messages. We can “confirm” or “ignore” others in a way that is not always possible in the real world. 4. Home is where we can just be ourselves. The ability to feel okay and accepted for who we are is a clear indicator of home. Facebook provides opportunity to say and do whatever we like and still be accepted for it, without any interference from the outside. Facebook dishes out plenty of unconditional positive regard. We are appreciated and accepted for ourselves. At its best, Facebook provides us with a safe environment to grow connections and build community with old and sometimes new friends. We can keep people close no matter where they live. We can connect with others regularly. This can be of great benefit in a relatively isolated, time-poor society. 2. The reality of Facebook However, is Facebook really “home”? In most cases, it’s more like being at a party with a whole lot of friends and acquaintances, than sitting at home with a few good friends. Facebookers tend to connect with a lot more people online than they do in real life. Here are some reasons why I think that the environment of Facebook is more like a “party” than a “home.” 1. The issue of control. Facebook gives us a lot of control over our relationships. Our self-portrait tends to be very positive. Our profiles often highlight our successes and downplay our failures (by making fun of them). We present ourselves as we want to be perceived. We also choose our friends. This can make us feel safe and good about ourselves. Control is one key to our sense of well-being. This is the way we behave at a party. We hopefully present our best side. We don’t go too deep in our relationships unless we can get away with someone to a quiet corner. At home with family and friends, things are different. We can’t avoid the tensions and difficulties that take real relationships to a deeper level. We can’t avoid being with people that challenge us or cause us to question our motives or approaches. In other words, we can’t hide and protect our real self behind a wall of control that slows down personal growth and the development of mutual relationships. For most people, Facebook does not and cannot provide this home. Having said that, it seems to me that there are many people who don’t have such a home anywhere and Facebook may provide a step forward. 2. The issue of over-connection. Like a party environment, Facebook provides us with a large number of possible relationships. But the party eventually finishes and we go home. We don’t live at parties or we would probably end up more shallow and frazzled people. The challenge is that the Facebook party can always be with us. The demands of a large range of constantly changing connections can eventually produce anxiety in people. We are confronted with too many options. We are trying to follow too much information. This can create pressure and anxiety. It can actually feed a sense of increasing powerlessness and wear us out, in some cases even causing addiction as we lose our sense of control. Trying to maintain too many diverse relationships inevitably means that these relationships will not be as deep. That’s fine and expected at a party, but it’s not like home. At home, we have fewer, deeper relationships. We take time just to be with these people. At times we communicate in short, rapid-fire statements, but at other times, we share in long, meandering chats or pursue activities together that require no words. At home we appreciate time just being together and doing things together. 3. The issue of performance. As happens in a party environment, the nature of Facebook tends to turn our friends into audiences and us into performers. Our communication is often based on what we think our invisible entourage may like the best; we enjoy being appreciated and respected. This is normal and expected in a party environment. But home relationships generally grow around reciprocity, trust, and mutual revelations concealed from the rest of the world. Party friendships look like the real thing, but the performance element involved can generally make them only limited imitations of home friendship. 4. The issue of blurred roles and relationships. Our social worlds were more plainly differentiated before Facebook. Our home and party worlds were more clearly different. Our classmates and workmates were usually divided from our friends and family. We commonly had more personal access to the lives of our friends and family than our workmates. If Facebook is seen as principally a party world, then there are no major problems. But when the boundaries between home and party get blurred, relationships can become confusing. Rice (2009, 128-147) discusses three boundaries that can get fuzzy and confusing with social networking if it is not understood: a. Privacy and authority. Facebook can bring bosses and workers, teachers and students, parents and children, leaders and followers together. In some circumstances, this may create more healthy relationships, but it raises questions about what is appropriate and helpful for those who are not our peers. Facebook postings can create misunderstanding at any time, but this is far more likely to occur when those reading them are not aware of or part of the context for which they were aimed. A posting targeted towards a friend may be understood very differently by a parent, a child or a boss. Additionally, while deletions are possible, cyberspace never forgets. There are fewer second chances if we get it wrong. b. Peer and romantic relationships. Facebook makes choosing friends both simpler and more complicated. We have access to a much wider pool of potential friends. For many people, this is a good thing. We need relationships. But who should have access to our information and thoughts? Who will we invite to our party? Who do we “ignore” and what will be the repercussions? Who actually is a friend? Facebook relationships become even more complicated when friendships turn into romances. The public nature of online romance makes things even trickier than they were before Facebook. It can be very complicated and people get hurt. c. Personal identity and time management. Facebook along with other technology can mean that we need never be unplugged. We have a heightened ability to be always “on.” Some people have no private world; they are always connected. This can reinforce the belief that we always have an invisible entourage and may cause us to live in response to this entourage rather than in response to our heart. A healthy self-confidence can be subtly undermined. We become less confident in our own voice and ideas. Listening to others can be very positive. We make better decisions in the context of helpful advice. But as lists of friends grow, the voices of others get louder, and our self-confidence can suffer. Then there is the immediacy of the online world that can overwhelm and interrupt what is actually happening around us. Being always on can thwart our awareness of and intentionality in the present moment. None of these issues mean that Facebook is flawed. But its role needs to be understood. Facebook is a great tool for connection. It positively breaks down some of the barriers to communication in our individualised society. Like any communication medium Facebook has both its benefits and its problems, but it needs to be seen more as a “party” environment than a “home” environment. 3. Does Facebook facilitate real community? This question cannot be addressed adequately until “community” is defined. If community is mainly characterised by present relationship or connection and shared interests, then Facebook enables community for the people who can connect through digital media. If community requires some form of shared history and ongoing responsibility for and holistic engagement with each other, then it’s difficult to see how it can be achieved through Facebook alone. Rice (2009, 176-177) quotes Dallas Willard as saying, “… community means assuming responsibility for other people and that means paying attention and not following your own will but submitting your will and giving up the … little consumer world that you have created.” While it may be possible for Facebook to facilitate such a community, it is very unlikely. The undemanding nature of Facebook friendships and the degree of personal control militates against taking responsibility for others and giving up our own desires. Facebook (like most party environments) tends to promote the consuming of relationships rather than self-giving community. As Rice (2009, 179) says, “Our Facebook connections typically require little thought or action on our part. We don’t have to work hard at them, or offer much of ourselves in return. We don’t have to “take responsibility” for anyone… And perhaps most importantly to us, we get to reveal and withhold whatever we feel like. We are in control.” This is not necessarily the case. A number of the Facebookers I spoke to intentionally use Facebook as a means to be available to and to care for others. Some have built strong, healthy, self-giving relationships through Facebooking. It’s not impossible, but it’s not what normally happens on Facebook without strong intentionality. So my conclusion is that Facebook, like a party environment, does not generally facilitate real community. It can contribute to the building of community and may assist the maintenance of community that has already been established in another place, but by itself alone it can build connection but not community. This connection can be important in many contexts, but it should not be mistaken for community. Facebook provides a taste of community but the relationships generally are too limited to constitute true “home.” 4. Using Facebook effectively If you’re interested in using Facebook effectively, here are a few suggestions that might help you make the most of this tool. I have added a few pertinent quotes from various pastors and spouses who have expressed their opinions about Facebook to me. 1. Facebook can be an effective way to maintain or re-establish community. Many people stay in touch with friends and family through Facebook and some can find friends from previous times with whom they had lost contact. This was the original purpose of Facebook. It facilitates helpful connection in an easy and inexpensive way. 2. Facebook can be an efficient way to connect with those who have similar interests. All sorts of groups congregate around pages that express common interests. Facebook is a useful way to stay in touch with people in the groups and organisations that express your interests and concerns. You can discuss issues and learn more. 3. Facebook can keep us in contact with helpful information. As we become skilful at sorting through and filtering the huge amount of information that is passed on through Facebook, we can gain access to news and ideas that are helpful for our relationships and ministry. 4. Facebook can be a useful way to disseminate and discuss information. It’s an inexpensive way to get the information you want straight into the hands of those who might be interested. Our church uses it extensively to invite to events and obtain feedback about ideas. 5. Facebook can be used to influence and evangelise. The more personal and friend-oriented nature of Facebook (compared with blogs and internet sites) allows more honest and open discussions about real issues. We can try to influence and make a difference in the lives of our “friends.” 5. Using Facebook healthily Facebook and other social networking sites look like they’re here to stay. If we can’t or don’t want to hold them back, some of us have to find ways to be at the cutting edge of this change and to shape it in ways that reflect Kingdom values. Here are some thoughts on how to use Facebook well and avoid the possible dangers. 1. Remember Facebook is not a substitute for community. As I’ve already pointed out, Facebook can contribute to the building of community and may assist the maintenance of community that has already been established in another place, but by itself it can build connection but not community. We all need life-on-life relationships from which we cannot escape if things get tough. We need friends who can see us and care for us as we are. We need community not just connection. 2. Make sure that Facebook remains a servant and doesn’t become a master. Facebook can move from being a great forum for connection to a dominating activity in our lives. How much is too much Facebook? It depends of course on your context and use of Facebook and the time that you have available, but if you find that sleep or work or friendships or family or relaxation or time with God are suffering, then it’s probably becoming a master. Listen to what the people around you are saying. 3. Facebooking must be grace-filled. People can be especially harsh, egotistical, self-serving, and arrogant on-line. They justify it by saying they’re just being honest, but in fact they’re being proud, unloving, judgmental and just plain sinful. You can have a mighty fine argument, you can make some impressive statements, you can be incredibly right, but without love it’s all just damaging hot air (1 Cor. 13:1-3). There certainly is a place to speak your mind and tell the truth, just make sure it’s full of grace and motivated by love. 4. Be aware of the public nature of Facebook. This is a big issue. Remember that whatever you put on Facebook will be read by a wide variety of “friends.” It’s like telling everyone at a party. Don’t have your closest friends in mind when you post on Facebook, but write for the general public. You are not anonymous. Don’t say things that you would not like your parents or children or workmates or church family to hear. If it helps, think “How would I feel if my pastor or my boss or God read this?” Nothing is absolutely secure on Facebook. You can have no secrets. Don’t say things that you will later regret. Be very careful. I’m not saying don’t be authentic. Just don’t say the authentic things you would say to an intimate friend. 5. Be careful about forming inappropriate relationships. The intimacy of Facebook can provide a fertile ground for the development of relationships that are unhealthy and inappropriate. I realise that this can happen anywhere, but Facebook offers an easily accessible and somewhat private environment for people to get close, especially as many of the difficulties of real relationships can be avoided. Predators are a danger for younger people, but more prevalent is the problem of people connecting with friends and old flames when their marriages are not going well or they’re feeling vulnerable. Be careful. Guard your heart. Choose your friends wisely. 6. Be aware of and honest about your reasons for Facebooking. Maybe you’re looking for a close circle of friends that you can share with. Then be upfront about it and be selective in who you accept as friends. Maybe you’re wanting to grow your influence with as many people as possible. Then certainly invite and accept lots of people, but don’t try to treat them all as close friends. Maybe you just want to see what happening among your friends and family, but don’t want to participate. Great. Don’t feel pressured to do any more. Maybe you’re mainly using Facebook to stay in touch with overseas missionaries. That’s very useful. There are many different ways Facebook can be used. Remember that Facebook is a tool. You can control it. Don’t let the Facebook system or the expectations of your fellow Facebookers control you. Know why you’re doing it, be upfront about it where appropriate, and shape your time and approach accordingly.

The above was posted on our Church FB site by our youth pastor Matt Anstey.