Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!!

In life things are not always that simple.

The following are a few scenarios that illustrate the point.

Good, Bad and Ugly

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy 5 years ago.

2. Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She is a Lawyer.

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a gun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!

Thanks once again to young Dee for this.

What makes up 100%

Thanks to young Dee for this piece of practical maths.

What makes 100%?

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:-

What makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about these people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to these meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these question.


A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.



8+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%


11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%



1+20+20++9+20+21+4+5 = 100%



2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =103%

AND, Look how far ass kissing will take you.


1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 =118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that whilst hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it's the bullshit and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

This has to do with the FB Group site 'My Important Stuff'

I am sending this out to you as a 'wider' audience as you may like to join the site as a friend.

This message is for actioning by the Administrators (Co Founders) of the FB Group Site ' My Important Stuff'.

An early warning. Please be aware that I can ramble. Short sharp sentences are not natural to me. You have been advised!

I am sending this message out to all of you who are the friends of the site as you are considered from now on as being 'observers'. Your job should you so choose is to follow the development of a new www site as it comes together through the collaboration of a team of teens and young twenties. You are encouraged to post comments and to also make comment on any Discussion Page item as you so feel led. You may be surprised to find that the Co Founders take on board your comment, or a variation of it and apply it to the site. Then you have the satisfaction of knowing that you contributed to the development of the site. That to me is fantastic.

Now to get started.

I would like you to action the following over the next week. The items are not in order, however the sooner you start the better, bearing in mind that I want you to be comfortable with everything that is being asked of you. If you do have any concerns, then I can be contacted by email or on 0427 523 119.

1. We have three cell groups involved in the planning. For sake of accountability, I am deeming the first named person as the cell head.

A. Tammy Rossouw, with the remainder of the group comprising Dine Bredenkamp and yet to be named third member and or fourth member

B. Danny Brown, with the remainder of the group comprising Emma Cuerden and yet to be named third member and or fourth member

C. Stephanie Cook, and yet to be named other members of her group.

Just a hint. You may find that the missing member of your group could already be an observer, and should that be the case, please let me know and hopefully we can then bring them across to be a Co Founder should they take up your offer of being involved in a more serious way with the site. Likewise, if you happen to be an observer, and would like to join in one of the above groups then please contact the first named person of the cell to discuss the idea more fully.

The other Co founders are:

D. Sisters, Emily and Claire Williamson who I have gotten to know over the past 12 months on FB. They are both creative in their own ways, and I believe that they can contribute well to the site. I have asked both of the girls to each invite another friend to join them and I am still waiting to hear about their nominated choices.

E. Joshua Hinds. Young Josh will be contributing with the wording side of the site as well as bringing in ideas as to layout , etc.

F. Then there is myself and my wife Vivien along with Graeme Freeloader, a very self opinionated cat whom we will all come to 'tolerate' over time.

2. Go to the FB Group site 'My Important Stuff' (MIS) and click on the Discussions - Co Founder Profiles.

I would like you to add your own profile in the reply box and then hit Post reply and that will add your profile to the site and allow the rest of us to know more about who you are.

As an example, this is the one that I have put on the page:

Graeme Brattle aged 62 years

28 years in the banking industry with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia.
10 years in the mortgage loan industry with Access Home Loans and the Victorian Police Credit Co-op.
Two years with the Commonwealth Government Child Support Agency.

Currently enjoying being involved with the GCCF (Gold Coast Christian Family Church)
Residing at Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast, Queensland Australia.

We will play around and refine the profiles before the www page is up and running, and at that time we will also ask you to provide a picture to go with each of your profiles.

3. Then look at the other Discussion questions and see if there is anything that you would like to add. Already young Dine has made a good comment in relation to the question relating to 'What should the site contain by way of content' her comment was '.... are you only wanting it to be a website where young people can store their important stuff or were you looking into including a social networking/blogging side to it'? My response was the site will try and provide whatever you as the Co Founders would like it to. Provided of course that it is within some $ cost limits, which we would need to discuss with the web designer.

What about ideas for a logo for the site? Feel free to add any comment as it will go into the melting pot and be open for blending in with other ideas.

4. To get an overview of the site that we already have up and running for the over 45's or so and to familiarise yourselves with the content I would like each of you to do the following:

A. Log into the site

B. Scroll down the left hand side of the Home page and click on the 'Special Offers' link

C. Join the site by clicking on the 'click here and complete the online form'

D. Once you are a member then I would like you to add something that is important to you that you may have kept over the years. The item may be where you keep your favourite teddy, or favourite book or even your favourite sporting item. For example, if you scroll up the Home page to the 'Search for a Document' screen and do a search on our friend Graeme Freeloader DOB 18/09/1947 then you will be able to see where he keeps his collection of furballs.

Well, that is it for now. I hope that you find the items easy enough to follow. Remember, should you have any concerns or questions I can be contacted by email or on mobile 0427 523 119.


Graeme Brattle

Friday, August 13, 2010

The following came from Tracey. E. Mitchell and I am sending it out as I would like the Co Founders of the new www site that we are creating to be able to think 'out of the box' so to speak. To look at the development of the site, please go to the FB group site 'My Important Stuff' and have a look at the 7 Discussion Questions. Do feel at liberty to add any comment you may think is appropriate as the Co Founders will then take it into account as they look for ideas and answers.

Subject: Thinking "Out Of The Box" - Quote of the Day
(Quote of the Day is a Story today! Enjoy!)

Thinking "Out Of The Box"

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant's debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal.

The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble, she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble-strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.

Read on...

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way.

To Your Prosperity!
Tracey E Mitchell;

P.S. - Think out of the box with your business! Go to -;

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

These are like the 'Scrabble' girls'- Too smart for me!

Someone out there must be
"deadly" at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

Once again, thanks to young Kellie for this. Now back to my 6 score words!!

Just for fun!

The old ones are still the best

1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's crosseyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it...'

16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.'

20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!

21. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Thanks to young Kellie for forwarding this to me.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Stay Premium Gentlemen - A BIG THANK YOU!

The ladies of GCCF had their annual 'Beyond Diamonds' Conference last weekend. From all accounts it was a great success.

The following is a 'thank you' note that I sent out to all the guys that took part.


On behalf of all the men of the Fellowship I would like to thank each one of you for your willingness to be involved in the ladies 'Beyond Diamond' Conference as either a Back Office Kitchen Hand or a member of the elite Front Office 'Bow Tie' Brigade.

There were those of you who were able to assist on the Friday night, whilst others were able to help out on the Saturday. Then there were those who could not resist going for gold by helping out on both days. To each and every one of you I can honestly say that your participation was greatly appreciated by all who attended the Conference, right through from the speaker to the chef, and from Kay to my wife. You should give yourself a pat on the back and a 'thumbs in the air well done' greeting when next you catch up with one another as a top job was done by all.

I also wish to thank those who offered to assist but due to sudden change in circumstances had to withdraw their services. Then there were those who in spite of carrying an injury were present in the numbers (you know who you are), and then there was Paul W who was with us in spirit, but physically elsewhere as he had the task of looking after the speakers family.

I must also make special comment about the willingness of you all to do whatever was asked of you, even if it was not on your 'duties' list. That willingness went a long way to ensuing that we were able to have a smooth sail through the Conference.

I must however admit that I was envious of the opportunity that the Saturday kitchen hands had of picking up some cooking points from our great Master Chef Rebecca. Is that not right, young Josh? And talking about 'young' it was great that a number of the younger men were able to join in with some of the older hands for the event. (Evidence of their attendance has already been placed on FaceBook somewhere.)

I also wish to thank all the band members for providing such great background music to assist us as we went about our tasks. You sounded great, even with the doors shut!

Then finally, but not in the least I wish to thank the Ladies Committee for making our jobs so much easier by having everything so well set out for us. The personal involvement Yolanda, Glenda and Rosemary, with the ever present shadow of Kay was great in keeping us 'alive' as we went about our allotted tasks.

But like the sales pitch on the TV, there is more. That more was the recognition that was expressed by Kay on behalf of the ladies at both the closing of the Conference and at the 9:30 service yesterday morning, of the great job that we men have provided over the years in assisting the ladies to have such a great time together.

I can only back up Kay's comments by saying as I did at the start of this note, thank you again for your part in making the weekend so great for the ladies.


Graeme Brattle